Dating Safely

Dating can be exciting, confusing, and sometimes a little overwhelming. Whether you’re using apps, meeting people through friends, or starting something with someone you already know, it’s okay to want connection and still protect your safety, energy, and wellbeing.

We’re here to help you date in a way that keeps your power in your hands. No fear-mongering. No pressure. Just practical steps that help you stay in choice, and trust yourself.

1. A reality check you may need to hear

You don’t owe anyone anything.

A date is not a commitment. A conversation is not a promise. A match is not a relationship. You are allowed to chat, explore, and change your mind at any point, for any reason.

If your comfort shifts, you can step back. If your gut says no, it’s a no. Your safety comes first.

2. Keep early chats on neutral ground

In the beginning, it’s completely okay to keep things light. You can talk about music, films, food, hobbies, work or study, and weekend plans without sharing anything deeply personal.

You don’t need to “prove” yourself by opening up quickly. You also don’t need to trauma-share to create closeness. Real connection can grow slowly, with trust.

3. Protect your personal information

Safety is not paranoia. It’s self-respect.

At first, keep details basic. You’re allowed to avoid sharing things like your exact address, where you work if it’s small or easy to locate, your daily routine, or personal background information that could make you easier to find or pressure.
And you **never** have to send photos you don’t want to send, even if someone asks nicely.

4. If you’re using apps, use them with intention

Some apps include safety features like reporting tools, video calling, and options to block easily. Use them. They exist for a reason.

If it helps you feel steadier, you can video chat before meeting. If you want to confirm someone is real, it’s okay to do a quick sense-check (for example, looking for a consistent profile or presence).

Most importantly, trust your instincts. If something feels off, even if you can’t explain why, that matters.

5. Meet in public first

For early dates, public places are your best friend.

Choose somewhere busy, well-lit, and easy to leave. Coffee shops, daytime cafés, shopping areas, or restaurants where staff are around are all good options.

If someone tries to guilt you into meeting privately or going back to their place, you are allowed to say no. Pressure is information.

6. Tell someone where you’re going

This is one of the simplest safety steps you can take, and it can make you feel more grounded.

Message someone you trust (a friend, your PA, a support worker, or a safe adult) with where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and what time you expect to be home. If you feel comfortable, you can share your live location temporarily.

It’s not dramatic. It’s sensible.

7. Plan your own travel

Having control over how you arrive and leave helps you stay confident.

If you can, make your own way there and your own way home, especially for the first few meetings. Avoid being picked up early on, not because you’re being rude, but because it keeps your choices open.

You’re allowed to prioritise your exit plan. That’s safety, not rudeness.

8. Notice early red flags without talking yourself out of them

Early red flags can include someone who pushes for private meetings, asks for photos you don’t want to send, rushes closeness, ignores your boundaries, gets angry quickly, or makes you feel guilty for saying no.

If these show up, you are allowed to block, leave, or change your mind. You don’t need to “wait and see” if your body already knows.

9. Look for green flags too

Dating should not feel like you’re being tested.

Healthy dating often feels calmer. You feel respected, not pushed. You feel seen, not managed. You feel like you can be yourself without performing.
Green flags can look like someone who respects your pace, listens properly, checks in on your comfort, accepts your no without sulking, is honest, and uses humour without cruelty.
You deserve to be treated with care, not pressure.

10. Keep alcohol low on early dates

Not because you can’t drink or have fun, but because clarity supports safety.

Being able to think clearly helps you notice how you feel, make choices that honour you, and leave if something starts to feel wrong.

Your safety matters more than the vibe.

11. Trust your instincts, not excuses

If something feels wrong, it usually is.

You don’t need proof. You don’t need to justify it. You don’t need permission to leave. You don’t even need a “good enough reason” that someone else agrees with.

Your safety is reason enough.

12. Know where support is if something feels unsafe

If a date or situation leaves you feeling unsafe, shaken, or unsure, you don’t have to handle it alone.

Support options include:

Samaritans (emotional support) - 116 123
Shout (text support) - Text 'Shout' to 85258 for free
The Mix (support for under 25s) - 0808 808 4994
Victim Support - 0808 1689 111
Your PA, support worker, or another trusted adult
Emergency services if you’re in immediate danger

Dating is meant to feel safe, not frightening.

A note about the Ask for Angela scheme

If you’re on a date and something starts to feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you might be able to use something called the **Ask for Angela** scheme.

Some bars, pubs, clubs and venues take part in this scheme. It allows you to discreetly ask staff for help without alerting the person you’re with.

If you go to the bar or reception and ask for “Angela”, staff are trained to understand that you may need support. Depending on the venue, this could mean helping you leave safely, calling a taxi, getting security, or staying with you until you feel okay.

You don’t have to explain what’s happening.
You don’t have to justify yourself.
You don’t have to be in immediate danger to ask.

Not every venue uses the Ask for Angela scheme, but many display posters or signs in bathrooms or near the bar. If you’re unsure, it’s still okay to approach staff directly and say you don’t feel safe.

Asking for help is not dramatic.
It’s a safety tool, and you’re allowed to use it.

Reflective moment

If dating brings up fear, overthinking, or panic, you are not alone. For many young people, especially those who have experienced unstable or unsafe relationships in the past, dating can feel emotionally intense. That doesn’t mean you’re “too much”. It means you learned to protect yourself early.

You deserve dating experiences that feel gentle, mutual, and safe.
You deserve someone who respects your pace.
You deserve calm.